Insights and assumptions

Hi there, this is Carlo Perfetto speaking!

During a coaching conversation the coach may have intuitions about the client or the situation being discussed; on the other hand, the coach is not a mere passive presence in the conversation and it is natural that they are sensitive to what they hear and observe. How best to manage these intuitions so that they do not become assumptions?

The coach's intuitions

During a coaching conversation the coach's presence is not passive but is " influencing and decentred ", i.e. present, active but not in the middle of the attention. Consequently, the fact that the coach "intuits" something about what they observe, listen to and feel is totally natural and also positive. It is a good sign that the coach is really present in the conversation, is focused, is really listening to what the client "says and does not say" and is somehow processing it.

From intuitions to assumptions

The real question is 'what does the coach do with their own intuitions'! Especially when the coach is new to coaching (but not only...), it can happen that they starts to treat these intuitions as truths. This means that they start to assume that those intuitions are not simply products of their own mind but that they are also 'true' in the client's world and as such the coach starts to use them in conversation. Below I try to list some signs that show that the coach is moving from intuitions to assumptions:

• in summarising they use terms that the coachee has not used and start referring to these terms without checking how their meaning "lands" in the client's mind;

• names what the client says (the client talks about his difficulty in relating to a difficult colleague and the coach defines this as lack of assertiveness);

• starts investigating the validity of the client's statements with questions such as "but what is the real reason for this behaviour of yours?", putting a particular inquisitive emphasis on the word "true" and squinting slightly while making the question explicit (OK, I'm kidding... but not too much!);

• takes for granted the meaning of concepts and metaphors expressed by the client without being curious about what they mean to the client;

• makes decisions on the direction of the conversation without letting it be guided by the client.

This list is probably not exhaustive but I think it is useful to understand the mechanism behind the transformation of intuitions into assumptions.

How best to manage intuitions?

So, having established that a coach's intuitions can be useful in the coaching process, how can we manage them so that they are useful for the client but at the same time respect the client's autonomy and responsibility?

The answer is simple: they must be verified! All of them!

Let's see how to apply this principle to the individual situations listed above.

• if the coach is summarising what they have heard, they can ask the client how they feel about that synthesis or whether that synthesis captured all the important things they wanted to express;

• instead of naming the situations the client exposes, they can ask the client directly how the client would define them (or even if it is important for him to define them in some way); the coach could perhaps ask permission to share their own definition of the situation and check with the client how well that definition captures the concepts the client was expressing;

• if, on the other hand, the coach has the feeling that what the client is expressing is not all there is around the issue, the coach might share this feeling with the client and verify it with the client (e.g.: from your story I have a feeling, I would like to express it to you but feel free to reject it if you do not find it useful... I have the impression that there is something else important to explore: what do you think of this feeling of mine?).

• being curious is one of the basic attitudes of coaching; instead of taking for granted it is better then to ask what the meaning of that concept is in the specific context of the subject matter;

• if we feel that it might be the moment when we take a step forward in the session, we can ask the client if the client agrees to proceed (e.g.: have we explored the objective of the session enough for you?).

Conclusions

In conclusion being present in the coaching session can actually generate new ideas and insights in the coach. If this happens, the coach has to keep in mind that these are their "productions" and that in order to be able to put them at the service of the client the coach cannot impose them on the client but has to offer them for what they are, i.e. simple elaborations and not truths.

This means starting from the assumption that they are not necessarily true and that they are not necessarily useful for the customer and accepting without reservation the client's reaction to your offer.

And what are your signs that you are moving from intuitions to assumptions? And what strategies are you using to help you? If you would like to share your insights, come to one of our Free Coaching Meetups!