Love it, change it or leave it

“Love it, change it or leave it” is ancient self-help advice attributed to Henry Ford (but alas, nobody can find the quote as seems to be the custom with such things). It is a truism in a sense as it describes the options available in any situation. You can

- Love it (accept the situation as it is)

- Change it (take action to modify the situation)

- Leave it (walk away)

However, this is usually more easily said than done. Sometimes there are parts of the situation that we really like, maybe in a partnership or a job and other aspects that we cannot stand. We usually try to then change the parts that we do not like. If this is not successful (for example, if it involves other people changing), we are in a pickle. We want to keep the parts that we love and we want to get rid of the parts that we hate and we are also not ready to leave.

Coaching clients in these situations are often rightfully confused and caught between a rock and a hard place. They don’t even know what they should start thinking about:

- Have I tried everything to change the situation, and should I possibly try again?

- How do I accept what I don’t like?

- Should I prepare for leaving?

Of course, the coach cannot take the decision where to start for the client and needs to partner with the client around where they would like to go first – which does not usually help the client because this is exactly what they don’t know.

I am not 100% sure about this, and if you have a better idea, let me know. I think this is one of the situations in which it makes sense to agree a sensible sequence with the client:

Coaching Plan A: Let’s spend some time on exploring what you have done to change the situation. If a new idea emerges, try that before we go on. Maybe we can set a time until you need to see changes. If there is nothing more that can be done, move to Plan B

Coaching Plan B: Let’s figure out if you can accept the situation as it is. Let’s talk about how you can be happy in the situation as it presents itself. Maybe also set a time until you need to feel happy enough. Should we see that this is not possible, move to plan C.

Coaching Plan C: A and B did not work, so now let’s plan on how you can leave the situation.

Structuring the coaching process like this (with the permission of the client, of course), can help to create hope and confidence that things will change whichever way.

If you want to discuss and share your thoughts around this, why not join one of our free meetups and exchanges?

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