When clients do not (really) want to be coached

Coaching is always voluntary and can be terminated by the client at any time. Noone can be forced to go to coaching! These are positions that both the Global Code of Ethics and the ICF Code of Ethics underline. So, are there situations in which clients come to coaching but really don’t want to be there? I think there are. You cannot force someone to be coached but you can make the alternative so uncomfortable that clients reluctantly agree. Here are a few examples:

- Reflect on the 360-degree feedback or risk being seen as someone who does not want to develop.

- Engage in a performance coaching process or risk being fired.

- Go to an ADHD coach or lose your marriage.

- Be coached on your performance in school or lose your pocket money.

So while coaching is voluntary, it sometimes is the lesser of two evils. What can a coach do to still invite the client into a productive process? Here are a few tips:

Acknowledge the situation

Try to invite the client to be open about the situation at hand and communicate that you understand that this is not easy. Thank the client for trusting you and coming to coaching anyway.

Guarantee confidentiality

Let the client know that none of what you will discuss will end up in anyone else’s ears. Make sure that the client understands that this is part of our coaching ethics and that we take confidentiality seriously.

Stress that coaching is voluntary

Stress that coaching is always voluntary, and that you are on the client’s side. Mention that you will not coach the client to reach any sponsor’s expectations, but that the client is in the driver’s seat with respect to the topics and goals.

If need be, ask what the sponsors need to see so that the coaching can stop

If the client is very disgruntled, you acknowledge that this is not a comfortable situation. Ask the client what they think needs to happen so that they no longer have to come to coaching. Invite the client to work on that.

Check in regularly and offer termination whenever the client wants

I would ask the client after every session what was useful and whether they are feeling heard and appreciated. I’d also make sure to check with the client whether we are, indeed, working on what they want to work on. In any case, I would respect the client’s right to terminate the coaching sessions if they feel they are no longer serving them.

How are you dealing with such situations? If you want to discuss, hang out or learn about our classes, why not join one of our free meetups and exchanges?

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